Tell your photographer in advance. We deal with this constantly and it's never weird if we know.
What I do when a couple tells me:
- Build the family-formals shot list with them in mind. "Bride + Mom + her side" and "Bride + Dad + his side" as separate groupings, never combined.
- Position parents on opposite sides of the room during the ceremony processional and seating. Most planners coordinate this; we follow.
- Read the room during candids. If Mom's in the corner and Dad walks in, I'm getting a different angle for 30 seconds.
- Never force a "smile next to your ex" shot for the sake of "we need this for the album." If you don't want it, it's not happening.
What helps:
- Tell us the names. "My mom Lisa and my dad Tom." Easier to manage shot calls when we know who's who.
- Tell us if there are step-parents we should include. "Dad is bringing Karen, and we want shots with her too" is clarifying.
- If there's a specific person who can't be in any shot together, give us the heads-up. We'll plan the whole day around it without you having to manage anything.
The job of the photographer is to capture the day you're actually having, not the family you wish you had. Tell us the real situation and we'll handle it.